Monday, August 1, 2011

Why Do I Do This?

Before I read my scriptures in the morning I sometimes like to think about what is bothering me the most.  I try to think of what question I have asked myself the most lately.  What is really going on in my mind?  What have I not addressed with my Heavenly Father.  What am I not bringing to the healer?

Today I picked up my actual scriptures-- which is new.  I have been using my phone and my scripture app for some time.

My scriptures have been with me through every major event in my life.  I think of them like a journal.  I love them and would be so sad to lose them. 

I was staring at my closed scriptures and thought to myself, "Why am I doing this today?  What is it that I should be asking that I'm not?" 

No answer came, so I just opened them.  I opened them to 1Nephi 8:21

"And I saw numberless concourses of people, many of whom were pressing forward, that they might obtain the path which led unto the tree by which I stood."

That is what I am trying to do too.  This is a passage about Lehi's dream of the Tree of Life.  The path leads to that tree.  That is me lately, don't you think?  I talk of finding balance and purpose in my life and how much of a struggle it is.  Maybe I should think of this process a bit differently.

I am just one of many who are struggling to find the tree of life, "whose fruit was desirable to make one happy."

The fruit is the love of God.  My focus has been on me and all that I need to do to feel content, happy.  Also it has been on how to make others happy through service.  How to balance family, friends, myself. 

If God has really given me this trial (He has) then maybe my focus could be more on why I am doing this every day.  Why am I trying to balance and live life to the fullest of my capabilities?

I just want to be happy.  I know that takes balance.  But mostly, I know it takes staying on the path.  And staying on the path leads me to what?

The love of God.

Maybe my focus should be feeling the love of God everyday. 

That is why I do this.  Why I begin each day with reading and studying the word of God.  Why I fall to my knees and pray.  Even when it feels routine, I know the promise connected to this commandment is feeling the love of God and  hearing His voice guide me in times of need.  Reading the scriptures helps me recognize the voice of the spirit.  That is why I do it.  I know there are other requirements and I strive to live up to them, this is just something I can do perfectly.  There aren't many commandments I can do perfectly;).

 I feel happy when I feel the love of God for me and for others.  It would be nice to just simplify my life down to that.  Pleasing Heavenly Father.  So in all of my sticking to a schedule and living my life fully for myself and family and all my other goals this week---  I think I will stop and pray more.  I will ask, "How wouldst though have me feel right now?"  And I will feel more peace and love and happiness if I remember to do that.  He is so loving.  Even with all of my mistakes, I have never asked that question and felt horrible.  Have you?  When I am not doing something quite right, he redirects me gently, but always I am filled with overwhelming peace and love.  I feel like my life just became simple as I thought of remembering why I do this.  Good.  Simple is very good lately.