Sometimes I Just Need to Breathe

Today was so fun.  I woke up feeling well enough to go to a yoga class at my gym.  It is always heaven when I can make it to Yoga.  The boys enjoy playing with friends while I take my class, so it is a double bonus.

The rest of the afternoon was typical, then I had a friend over for dinner-- both of us have our husband out of town so we thought it would be fun to get our kids together to play.  We had such a good time, but we ended up staying up later than we usually do. 

I found myself taking lots of deep breaths as I put the kids in bed.

Do you ever feel this way?  Like there are times when you just want your children to work as a group?  Bed time really is one of those times for me.  I need them to all be one big piece of clay, molding to my every desire.  I need to say, "Everyone kneel for prayers"  only once, and then have it happen.  I need to say, "Now everyone hop in bed to get tucked in,"  and then have it happen.  Kiss on the cheek, hugs, tucks, then I just want to turn on the primary music, turn out the lights, and walk out.  Done for the day!

But nope.  These are three very strong personalities I am dealing with here.  And if they don't feel they have expressed exactly how different they are during the day, they feel a deep need to get it expressed before I turn out that light.  I race to turn out that light.  The faster the better.  But they usually beat me to it with tears, tantrums, requests for drinks AfTeR I have already tucked them in, requests to each pick out their own book for a story time, each one wants cuddle time, and it had better be the exact same amount for each child, and they each want to be tucked in one million times.

Whew!

During all this madness, I noticed my middle sweet son seemed to have something bugging his little heart.  He is my sensitive one.  He has fairer skin and lighter eyes, and he has a very sweet heart that is easily injured.  I wondered about him.  Then I forgot about him as I finally finished the race and got that blessed light turned off.

I came to my room and finally got into comfy pajamas, and guess who I see peeking through my doorway?  Middle, sweet, fair eyed one. 

I was so sad to have my alone comfy pajama time interrupted that I instantly asked him (in not so sweet tones) to go back to bed for REALS.

I snuggled up in bed with junk food, turned on HGTV (husband out of town;), and slowly felt my knots releasing in my back. (YOGA)

And lo-- guess who showed back up, this time with tears on his little fair face, streaming right from those light green eyes?  The middle boy. 

Hmmm...

"You hurt my feelings..."  He said with trembling lip.

 I'll bet.

 "I don't know how to read and I need help finishing my book.."  tear... 

He's lucky he came after I had taken a breath and ate some junk food.  I am not a very good nighttime mommy.  Even on my best days the most I manage is an even toned voice.  But a miracle happened here.  I suddenly felt my heart opening to my fair child.  All I wanted to do was tell him to get a book and cuddle up with me on my beds while I read it to him. 

I did.  He did.  It was the sweetest moment of my day seeing his face light up my room with smiles.  It was so worth it. 

I thought about it after he left. 

I mean-- it was obviously a miracle.  My heart completely melted when I saw him.  I felt calmed and so wonderful as I loved on him.  I gave him exactly what he wanted and it actually turned out to be what we both needed.  I felt love and strength just pouring in to me so I could be there for my boy.

As I thought this moment in my life through, I felt like I could see that I had sacrificed some personal time and given it to my family.  It was a very small act, but it was very important to my five year old.

I feel like if I can do this every so often, perhaps I will continued to be inspired and strengthened to give what my children need in times of crisis. 

I keep feeling that everything will work out just fine during our trials, but I felt like I caught a glimpse of exactly how it will work out tonight.

I just need to keep making a special effort for my family.  Nothing huge.  I need to keep doing the little things that bring us closer together.  God will bless me with inspiration and patience as I do so.  And perhaps we will make it through with strengthened relationships and happy hearts at the end of each day.  And maybe my children will think back someday on how they grew up and the mother they had and they will have some special memories in their hearts of their mother loving them.