Saturday, April 18, 2015

The Problem

Do you want to know what the problem is?  I want to please everyone.  I want to only do things that bring light and joy to ALL around me.

But almost everything I do is good and bad depending on who you talk to.

I could be running on the treadmill for sanity (could we start a cause named THAT?)  And my children could feel neglected for the moment.  Or they could watch too much TV and we ALL know the current trend is that your kids should be either playing outside or reading a book if you want to post a picture on Instagram.  Or eating something organic and homemade.  And you should be either out there with them or reading the book.  (That was snarky.  I can be snarky, it's true)

I could be cleaning up the house for sanity (Another cause ya'll) and enlisting my children for help when all my oldest wants to do is have a friend over because school is so much harder on the brain than it was when I was in sixth grade.  While my youngest is just happy to be spending time with me and you know what?  My middle child goes back and forth between loving the attention and hating me for making him clean.  MAKING HIM CLEAN.  But TIME TOGETHER YAY!

 I could be on a weekend away for sanity (I sense a trend in my causes) and my child could break his arm while I am away.  But I am so much more sane when I get home to take care of him because of the weekend away, the treadmill, and the cleanliness.

I could be resting for sanity....

You get it.

The point is Sanity.  Mom's sanity.  That is the end goal.  But actually it isn't the end goal.  The end goal actually is me being a good mom and wife and friend. But actually that isn't the end goal either.  The end goal is doing whatever weird thing my God has for me to do.  I feel like I can't do that when I don't do all my causes for Sanity.  (It's true though, God wants me to do life even insane sometimes.  That God.  He sure has a sense of humor.)

It bugs me that everything I do brings good and bad consequences depending on who we are speaking to because I just want everyone to love me and applaud me and give me squishy hugs when they see me.

And that my friends, is impossible.  Everyone is not going to think I am great.  But I super want them to.

So I read my philosophy books and I study religion to figure out the real purpose to life because my default purpose of pleasing everyone sort of makes me feel bad all the time.  So those are the thoughts that I go through every day.

Default thought,


Next thought,

"Remember the philosophy books."

Next thought.. I can't help it...

"But will that make everyone happy?"

Next thought,

"Gah, no no no...  "

Meditate, yoga, treadmill, clean, weekend away,

Zen with the way everything I do has consequences and some people will like it and some won't...

and then I am doing what I do and the thought comes,


Rinse and repeat people.  Rinse and Repeat.

Anyone else feel that way ever?


Shellee said...

I ran myself into the ground trying to please. There is definitely a sense of fulfillment that comes from being able to bring happiness to those around you, but when you can't ever make your own husband happy? That was my undoing. Now I am post- nervous breakdown and wiser for it. I had a huge lesson to learn. Each individual has a choice to be happy, even kids have a choice. I'm not so hard on myself anymore, I do the best I can, but in the end, it will never be enough for those in my tight family circle. I cut myself some slack, because pleasing God is what ultimately matters... And he's not always about pleasing people, but stretching us so we can see beyond our capability. I'm still learning. I'm still needing affirmation from above that I am worthwhile even when I can't seem to make those around me happy. And He reminds us that he is in charge. And he reminds us to remind those we love that their own happiness is a choice, that we cannot make them happy, only they themselves have that power. And he brings us inner peace. He did direct me to my my Ashley Turner yoga tape!��

Loved your post, especially the part about God's sense of humor. Lol. You sure got that right!

Utter Girl said...

Shellee I am in love with you. Brave and wonderful comment.

Shellee said...

If this comment would display emoji's, it would be full of hearts. I have few heroes, you are among them!